Careful, now

So, as I wrote a few days ago, my weight is at the lowest it's been in...what?...a few years now? Yes, I think that's right. I think it's been a few years, at least, since I was at 163.

You'd think that that would have been enough to send me running to a week of steamed veggies and fish or lean chicken, right?

Wrong.

Last night, I had Patxi's deep dish pizza and a Caesar salad.

Monsieur and I typically order a mushroom and onion pizza, and usually I have 1 slice and plenty of salad.

For whatever reason, last night I was pretty hungry, so I ate two slices and plenty of salad.

It has been a really long time since I had deep dish pizza. I find that it is much more enjoyable if you have it infrequently. Last night, it was super enjoyable!

Now, according to the French diet, this should not be a problem. There are no "bad" foods (excluding, of course, fake/highly processed foods) only poor portion control. In this specific case, since my lunch was fairly small, having two slices of pizza wasn't in itself such a terrible thing. After all, I felt okay after eating and not overly stuffed and regretful.

But, I do have to be careful. Why? Because it has happened in the past that when I've made some progress with my weight (i.e. it's gone down!) I've had a somewhat unconscious tendency to sabotage myself. I don't really know why, but I have noticed it after it's happened. I want to make sure I don't let that happen again.

So tonight, I will go back to a lighter dinner option.

Perhaps I will even have some fish.

Genes or Jeans?

Yesterday I had an "a-ha!" moment.

My papa has had some health issues in the past couple of years, and as a result of those plus a few falls, he hasn't been able to walk properly, unassisted, for over a year now. He's had physical therapy, but usually a big part of that is doing your homework. They say that the best way to retrain your brain to walk is by walking.

Unfortunately, papa takes to this advice in fits and spurts. One day, he'll be gung-ho and do a bunch of exercise. The next day, he won't do anything. And then, he grumbles that he "isn't making any progress".

Invariably, this results in frustration all around. I start thinking, "Well, how can you expect to progress if you don't change what isn't working?" and then, "If you don't really want to get better, just admit it and stop complaining about it."  Not very nice. Luckily, most of the time, I use my inner monologue for these thoughts. Most of the time...

Anyway, so that's when I had my "a-ha!" moment. I realized that it isn't really fair to criticize papa when I am exactly the same way.  I keep saying that I don't like how I look, that I don't like feeling frumpy and overweight, that I want to change, but then, how much have I changed, really?

I know what I need to do. Eat sensibly. Eat less (at least for a while to make up for years of over-eating). Exercise more. The entire French diet is based on simple logic and good sense, plus a healthy dose of self-respect and self-esteem.

So, why don't I do it? Will my genes get in the way of fitting into my other jeans forever??

I'd like to believe that I am not a victim to genetics, and that I actually can effect some change in my life. I'd like to believe that I can be disciplined.

Perhaps what I need to do is stop focusing so much on changing my papa and instead focus on changing myself. Then, after I have demonstrated through my own life that it's possible, will I be able to urge him on. Otherwise, I'm just being a hypocrite (albeit a well-meaning one).

Visiting Dignitaries

This week we've had a number of friends visiting. Yesterday, Monsieur's parents' friends came to spend the day (and night) before catching their flight out this morning. And, overlapping, some old friends from the Great White North are in town all this week. As a result, there have been quite a few social gatherings and meals eaten out. And, to top it off, on Friday we are having some other friends over for dinner, to celebrate their birthdays. Phew!

It feels a bit more difficult to stay the (French) course when you're out eating with friends, at least for me.  Sometimes, I get so distracted by conversation and menu options and that sort of thing, that I find it hard to hear my inner French guide reminding me about portion control or finding a treat balance. It's easy to slip into a non-French vacation mode and go back to thinking, "Oh, well, this is a special occasion so of course I will order dessert, even though I am not hungry at all because I already had appetizers and a good meal."

I'm not sure how to undo years of bad habits and retrain myself to think like a French person.

I guess that is one good thing about keeping this blog. It's an opportunity to recollect and think about what I'm doing so that I'm a more conscious eater and don't behave like a robot.

Taking Care of Yourself & Re-focusing

For the past couple of days I really haven't been feeling all that terrific. My stomach hasn't been that happy, but I'm not sure why. I'm not aware of having eaten anything that could be responsible for the recent malaise. Then, this morning, I woke up and I was really dizzy. That seems to have passed (mostly) but there's a lingering not feeling 100% normal feeling. Sigh.

This got me thinking that probably I am starting to feel the effects from the past couple of years' stresses. As I may have mentioned (or alluded to) in previous posts, my papa's health has not been great for some time now, and in the last year and a half, especially, he's required a lot of extra care. My maman has shouldered the bulk of the burden, but I have also been very involved and sort-of "on call" every day. In fact, with the exception of some very quick family-related trips (visiting monsieur's family at Thanksgiving, or going to see his maman for her birthday), I haven't had an actual vacation in almost 2 years. What's even more challenging has been keeping my spirits up in the face of papa's occasional, "I'm ready to die and just want to get this over with" attitude. Double Sigh.

Perhaps the time has come to re-evaluate everything I'm doing and see if I need to focus some more on rest and relaxation...

On a somewhat unrelated note, I'm also wondering if I should limit the content on this blog to things that are strictly related to the French diet, or if I should branch out to other areas that interest me, like fashion or home or just whatever!

My original intention for the blog was to have a place where I could keep track of my progress and also just hold myself accountable. But the truth is that sometimes I feel like I'm struggling to come up with something, anything that is weight or health related, and it starts to feel contrived. I really don't want this blog to turn into an online food or exercise journal:

I had a grilled chicken breast with some sauteed vegetables today!

Today I walked for 30 minutes and then I had a turkey sandwich!

I mean, honestly. I don't want to read that, and why would anyone else? At the same time, the world (and the Internet) if definitely full of somewhat generic "lifestyle" blogs and maybe I'd just be adding to the noise if I started writing about general life things.

Thoughts? Opinions? Ideas?

 

Stuck

I've decided to move my weigh-in day to Tuesday because, for some reason, I always seem to have breakfast before realizing it is Monday. Hopefully I will not start messing up on Tuesdays, too!

This past holiday weekend went, I think, reasonably well. I got a lot more exercise in since Monsieur is very keen on it. So, we went for a swim on a couple of days and got in a (for me) long bike ride. Yesterday, we rode for almost 12 miles. Took our bikes down to Whole Foods, picked up picnic supplies, and then rode to a park, where we ate under two huge oak trees that housed some very grumpy squirrels. Then, we looped around before returning home, so by the time I hopped off my bike, I felt I had worked out.

I think that my eating was fairly French, but I did indulge in a few more treats than needed. In retrospect, I realize that I often forget about the French mentality towards food. I just haven't yet made it my own and, truth be told, I'm starting to worry.  I don't know if I ever will.

Of course, the books (Losing It In France--Les Secrets of the French Diet and The French Don't Diet Plan: 10 Simple Steps To Stay Thin For Life) that inspired me to try the French diet are by non-French people who discovered the diet/lifestyle's myriad of benefits. Presumably, they have adopted the French diet as much as possible and continue to adhere to it, even after they have returned home. But I'm wondering if it's possible for someone who hasn't lived in France for an extended period of time to actually start to think like a French person...???

I am starting to think that I may actually be stuck and kidding myself by saying things like "my eating was fairly French". Sure, I may be more French than your average American, since I do like to cook and I have cut out things like sodas and most processed foods. But I was like that even before starting my French experiment. It's the rest of the French diet that seems so hard to make my own: portion control, listening to my body for cues on hunger/satiation, and--perhaps most importantly--feeling enough pride in myself to say "I deserve to be svelte and healthy and fit, and I deserve that a whole heck of a lot more than I need that candy".

Maybe I need to re-read those books and remind myself of what is possible?

All I know is that I haven't made that much progress in the three months and that makes me sad. I don't want my French experiment to be a failure.

Getting Back Into The Swing of Things

For some reason, I'm finding it very hard to get back into my French routine. Early in the week, I came up with menus for this week. Tuesday, I was supposed to make a Salade Niçoise, with imported Spanish tuna in olive oil, green beans, hard-boiled potatoes and eggs, and other assorted delicious and healthy components.

But then, it started to get late and I realized I didn't have the right tuna on hand, so instead, I went to Johnny Rockets and ordered this:

Well, at least I didn't get the shake or the fries. But still, it was not exactly the best thing I could have chosen to eat. Still, you could argue that the French diet is all about freedom and not having foods be labelled as "off limits". In a certain sense, that is true. Having a hamburger out is not going to kill you or completely derail you. The problem, of course, is that this was not the only poor choice I'd made this week. Tuesday and Wednesday's lunches were both eaten out, and were both not the healthiest.

Last night, I did manage to go to the market and get ingredients for a home-cooked meal, and it was reasonably French. And tonight, I had some fish with some oven fries and a tomato mozzarella salad. 

So, all in all, there have been some hits and a few misses.  

And that's what got me thinking, "Why is it so hard to get back on track once you've gone off of it??" Is it because I'm still trying to make the French diet second nature and forming a new habit takes time? Or, to put it another way, "Will this ever get any easier??" I hope so. 

Maybe it's just like any other thing that requires some discipline and you just have to keep at it. Today, for instance, I went for a bike ride. I probably did about 6-7 miles when all was said and done, and boy, was I out of shape. Any prior progress seems to have vanished and I was having to shift down sooner and for longer stretches of time. But the good news is I rode, and I pushed myself to go a bit farther than I originally planned, just to stretch a bit. If I go for another ride again soon, then I will notice that I'm making progress and not having to start all over again.  Maybe I just have to do that with my diet, as well. Just make sure that there is always some French element to it, so that I don't feel like I've lost ground and am starting back at ground zero all over again.

Time will tell...

Reality Check: "Plus Size" Style

Last night I was flipping through the July issue of InStyle magazine. I came across an article on "plus size" style and there was this woman, dressed in a few different outfits, showing off her summer "plus size" style.

Monsieur glanced over, from his comfy perch on the sofa, and said, "Oh, she looks like you! Same cute shape." 

This, of course, was meant as a compliment. He didn't see that the title that pronounced this "plus size" style.

I looked at the model closely. Her face is only partially in the photo. Probably to protect the poor thing's anonymity and spare her the "plus size" stigma.

As I examined her cooly, I realized my husband was right. If I caught my reflection in a mirror or some shop window, and I cut my head off, I would look like that woman.

Le sigh...

Let's be real. I am 5'2" and wear a size 12. I am currently plus size!

Luckily, this experience did not send me running for a tub of ice cream or a batch of chocolate bars. (I have sometimes suffered from some degree of emotional eating, as you will already know if you've read any of my earlier posts, but never really like that.)  Instead, it made me realize a few things.

First, I'm very lucky because Monsieur still thinks I'm cute despite the fact that I'm not at my best and I resemble a "plus size" model in a magazine.

And second, I need to remind myself that, as a French woman might put it, I deserve to be svelte and fit and attractive. As a result, I must make taking care of myself a top priority. I must make regular, reasonable exercise a part of my routine. I must prepare delicious, fresh, home-cooked meals for myself. I must sit down at a beautifully set table and enjoy a leisurely meal. These aren't things I should do. They are things I must do. Why? Because time is fleeting and I've been given this one life and I should appreciate it and appreciate my body for the miracle that it is. I mean, if I don't take care of me then who will??

So, while last night's experience did sting a little bit, it was a much needed reminder that I must focus on respecting my body, respecting my health, respecting myself.  (Especially since I was lazy in my food choices at both lunch and dinner yesterday!!)

Bienvenue, été! Welcome, summer!

It's a bit hard to believe that the Memorial Day Weekend is already here and summer is upon us.

Summer is by far my favorite season. I live for long days and light evenings, and find the warmth (as long as it doesn't get too hot) very relaxing. But, summer is not without its share of issues.  Bathing suits, for starters.

No matter how strictly I enforce the French diet 'rules', I know there is no way that I will quickly drop enough of my excess weight to feel as fabulous as I'd like for this summer season. Quick-French-Diet-Weight-Loss is a sort of oxymoron. The whole point is to re-evaluate your attitude towards food, diet, health and lifestyle so that, when you adopt the French diet, you slowly but surely reach your body's proper balanced weight.

So, that means that I have to be patient and focus on looking my best as I am currently, whether I'm at home, by the pool, at the beach, or out with friends and family.

It seems to me that planning some fun adventures is one sure-fire way to focus my attention on what summer is all about.

So, welcome back, Summer! I've missed you!