TGIF

6 p.m. on Friday evening.  Thank God this week is finally over! For some reason I've felt somewhat out of sorts for the past couple of days. Perhaps it's a combination of the recent news (Robin Williams passing away, violence in Iraq, racial tensions in Missouri, etc., etc.,) and feeling overdue for a real vacation.

Luckily, my new Wii dance games arrived today. I ended up ordering both Just Dance 2014 and ABBA You Can Dance and I'm dying to try them out. I will, as soon as I finish this quick post.

Expect a review next week. ;)

I'm hoping that a little aerobic fun, followed by a simple home-cooked meal (roasted chicken, rice, and roasted asparagus--very French, non?) will lift my mood. If that doesn't work, I may have to do something drastic like book a weekend getaway or go for a mani/pedi or buy some shoes! :)

Anyway, I've noticed that I've been snacking a lot today. Seems to happen more when I'm feeling a bit low. Deep down I know that I won't actually feel better, but there's an autonomous part of me that reaches for a bit of chocolate. At least I also ate some fruit, so it wasn't all bad.

Wishing everyone a relaxing weekend.

Emotional eating, you're back

I didn't get a chance to write my planned post yesterday. I didn't get a chance to write anything at all, actually. Instead, I fought the emotional eating battle again, but I sort of lost. :(

I had another rough day on the pseudo-caretaking job and when I got home in the evening, the urge to seek comfort in food was overwhelming. In retrospect, if you look at it in a detached way, it's sort of fascinating, if a bit sad.

Your reason is telling you, "Okay, I know you're actually a bit hungry, but you know that you're just looking for something to make you feel better, right? Something to distract you from the sadness and frustration you're feeling?"

But another part of you (irrational or emotional part of brain? stomach? heart?) just ignores your reason and dives headlong in the search for something to make you feel better.

A-ha! How about a bowl of frosted mini-wheats? That will do nicely!

So, you have your cereal and you think, "Well, that wasn't so bad...and I can adjust my dinner for it."  But then, some minutes pass and you're back in the kitchen because you just don't feel better, so you're back in there, looking for satisfaction.

Spoonful of peanut butter. That's pretty filling. Mmm, yummy.  Minutes pass. But, I sort of want something salty now...oh, there! Handful of croutons. That's better.

And so there you are. Sitting on the sofa, trying to relax and all the while you're regretting it all. The cereal. The peanut butter. The croutons. But most of all, you're regretting your obvious lack of willpower and your inability to find a better solution to what's really vexing you--your unhappiness and frustration.

And finally, here you are, the next day, writing about it. Why? Because you want to be have a place where you can finally be honest about the struggle and admit it all...the good, the bad, and the ugly. And maybe, you figure, if you do that, you'll eventually find the way to deal with your emotions in a healthier way and you won't have to write this sort of post ever again.

Score, this week: Emotional eating 1, Reason 0

Emotional eating

Today was a rough day. Not because of the diet, but because of some personal stuff that came up. My dad's health isn't great. He fought (and seemingly won) a battle with brain cancer but he was left with some war wounds--weakness on his left side and major balance issues. Bottom line: he needs help to stand or move around because otherwise, he's a major falling risk. Anyway, thank God we have been able to hire some caregivers for day and nighttime help. Unfortunately, though, for whatever reason my dad had recently decided he didn't like them and he didn't want them around anymore. So, in the early evening I found myself heading over there for a clear-the-air talk.

Things eventually got sorted out, but along the way there were a few jabs thrown in my direction and I was left stinging a bit.

I never really thought of myself as an emotional eater, but since I am trying to be more self-aware, especially as it relates to food, I realize that I do have some temptations in that regard. As I was sitting on the train, headed home, thoughts of what I could go have for dinner kept springing up, and none of them were particularly French. Mostly Italian (ah, a soothing fettuccine Alfredo, with all that cream sauce!) or Mexican (ah, a Chipotle burrito with those delicious tortilla chips and guacamole!) or good ol' Fast food (ah, Round Table pizza...)  Then, when I thought about the dinner I had already shopped for and planned (roasted chicken wings with oven fries or a bit of rice and a tomato salad), I started thinking, "Well, even if I eat that I could at least have some extra chocolate or some ice cream or something."

Why is it that when I am left feeling sad and beaten up my first instincts are to retreat either to retail therapy (in between thoughts of pasta and chips and pizza, shopping seemed like a good idea) or to foods that I know are not really in my best interests? Why should I do something that will end up hurting me more, precisely when what I really need is some TLC?

Weird, non?

Perhaps it is because there is momentary solace in food (and in shopping, for that matter), and deep down you crave that. But what is often forgotten is that that same Solace brings a friend along, called Regret. And after you've eaten whatever it is, against your own better judgement, you are left alone with that unwelcome guest. Sometimes, that can be enough to send you into a downward spiral, if you're not careful.

Luckily, I was able to come home and stick to my dinner plan. Interestingly enough, I think it's because I already planned to write about how I was feeling and how much my day sucked and I knew I'd also have to be honest and accountable in this blog. And I really did not want to have to write about how I'd been depressed and gone out and eaten X, Y and Z and then felt bad about it. So tonight at least, this blog really helped me.

If you've also battled against emotional eating, I hope my experience will help you, too.