Yesterday I had an "a-ha!" moment.
My papa has had some health issues in the past couple of years, and as a result of those plus a few falls, he hasn't been able to walk properly, unassisted, for over a year now. He's had physical therapy, but usually a big part of that is doing your homework. They say that the best way to retrain your brain to walk is by walking.
Unfortunately, papa takes to this advice in fits and spurts. One day, he'll be gung-ho and do a bunch of exercise. The next day, he won't do anything. And then, he grumbles that he "isn't making any progress".
Invariably, this results in frustration all around. I start thinking, "Well, how can you expect to progress if you don't change what isn't working?" and then, "If you don't really want to get better, just admit it and stop complaining about it." Not very nice. Luckily, most of the time, I use my inner monologue for these thoughts. Most of the time...
Anyway, so that's when I had my "a-ha!" moment. I realized that it isn't really fair to criticize papa when I am exactly the same way. I keep saying that I don't like how I look, that I don't like feeling frumpy and overweight, that I want to change, but then, how much have I changed, really?
I know what I need to do. Eat sensibly. Eat less (at least for a while to make up for years of over-eating). Exercise more. The entire French diet is based on simple logic and good sense, plus a healthy dose of self-respect and self-esteem.
So, why don't I do it? Will my genes get in the way of fitting into my other jeans forever??
I'd like to believe that I am not a victim to genetics, and that I actually can effect some change in my life. I'd like to believe that I can be disciplined.
Perhaps what I need to do is stop focusing so much on changing my papa and instead focus on changing myself. Then, after I have demonstrated through my own life that it's possible, will I be able to urge him on. Otherwise, I'm just being a hypocrite (albeit a well-meaning one).
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