Emotional eating

Today was a rough day. Not because of the diet, but because of some personal stuff that came up. My dad's health isn't great. He fought (and seemingly won) a battle with brain cancer but he was left with some war wounds--weakness on his left side and major balance issues. Bottom line: he needs help to stand or move around because otherwise, he's a major falling risk. Anyway, thank God we have been able to hire some caregivers for day and nighttime help. Unfortunately, though, for whatever reason my dad had recently decided he didn't like them and he didn't want them around anymore. So, in the early evening I found myself heading over there for a clear-the-air talk.

Things eventually got sorted out, but along the way there were a few jabs thrown in my direction and I was left stinging a bit.

I never really thought of myself as an emotional eater, but since I am trying to be more self-aware, especially as it relates to food, I realize that I do have some temptations in that regard. As I was sitting on the train, headed home, thoughts of what I could go have for dinner kept springing up, and none of them were particularly French. Mostly Italian (ah, a soothing fettuccine Alfredo, with all that cream sauce!) or Mexican (ah, a Chipotle burrito with those delicious tortilla chips and guacamole!) or good ol' Fast food (ah, Round Table pizza...)  Then, when I thought about the dinner I had already shopped for and planned (roasted chicken wings with oven fries or a bit of rice and a tomato salad), I started thinking, "Well, even if I eat that I could at least have some extra chocolate or some ice cream or something."

Why is it that when I am left feeling sad and beaten up my first instincts are to retreat either to retail therapy (in between thoughts of pasta and chips and pizza, shopping seemed like a good idea) or to foods that I know are not really in my best interests? Why should I do something that will end up hurting me more, precisely when what I really need is some TLC?

Weird, non?

Perhaps it is because there is momentary solace in food (and in shopping, for that matter), and deep down you crave that. But what is often forgotten is that that same Solace brings a friend along, called Regret. And after you've eaten whatever it is, against your own better judgement, you are left alone with that unwelcome guest. Sometimes, that can be enough to send you into a downward spiral, if you're not careful.

Luckily, I was able to come home and stick to my dinner plan. Interestingly enough, I think it's because I already planned to write about how I was feeling and how much my day sucked and I knew I'd also have to be honest and accountable in this blog. And I really did not want to have to write about how I'd been depressed and gone out and eaten X, Y and Z and then felt bad about it. So tonight at least, this blog really helped me.

If you've also battled against emotional eating, I hope my experience will help you, too.